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SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Why are we even talking about "surviving" Christmas?
Because the first two weeks in January are the busiest weeks of the year for divorce lawyers.
Why? - Stress of season tends to exaggerate problems already in relationship.
Why is it so stressful for the relationship?
1. Amount of work involved
- Pressure of planning meals, buying food, preparation of meals.
- Present shopping
- Writing Christmas cards
- Wrapping Presents
- Getting House ready
- Catering for extended family
- Perhaps a feeling of unfairness with how work is split
2. Keeping everyone happy
- Pressure (maybe disagreements) trying to fit-in time with parents and in-laws, especially if long distance/staying away
(uncomfortable camp-beds!).
- Many families now include step-children/ kids spending time between 2 parents – (resentment of your kids going to ex/
having new partner's kids).
- Pressure of differing beliefs & wanting to spend Christmas in different ways (& if children as well, maybe another
level of stress).
- If everyone tries to get together at once, there maybe so many people that no-one can enjoy it (different tastes, different
expectations).
3. Financial pressure
- Expectations of children (especially) or perceived expectations of family.
- Pride/keeping up appearances – not be seen to be struggling to afford things – especially if lost job or other
crisis
- Even if you're careful, it's still an expensive time with extras to buy.
- Many people are still paying for Christmas well into next year
4. Alcohol.
- Potentially the greatest risk to your Christmas!
- Most people happy to have a few drinks, but always some who have to get wrecked, & as they do, so does the day &
everyone's enjoyment is marred.
To maintain your relationship over Christmas give your relationship the priority over the wider family, and try to work together.
"There comes a time when we really have to declare our loyalty to our spouse or partner"
Dr. Richard Weinberg Clinical Psychologist
What can we do?
Communication and planning is the key
1. The workload
- Talk about how to share workload so one person isn't doing it all.
- Lots of cooking can be done in advance, so more time to enjoy the day.
- Get all the family to help – children & relations
- If big crowd, maybe each brings something toward meal.
2. Don't try to keep everyone happy!
- Don't dash from one place to another trying to see all relations on Christmas Day - even taking turns at Christmas Day &
Boxing Day can mean ending up shattered by time you go back to work.
- Plan your time - maybe Christmas Day by yourselves, Boxing Day with one side of family, could be New Year's Eve with
other side of family?
- No reason why have to cram it all in over two days - Christmas lasts about a week now, so plan ahead – (remember you
can keep some of the people happy all of the time, all of the people some of the time but never all of the people all of the time!)
- If you do have to have large crowd round, try to ensure space to get away, chill out, maybe watch TV. Very stressful if all
on top of each other. Ensure you have some time for yourselves as a couple and as a family
3. Finances
- Hot topic this year – but set budget and stick to it.
- Maybe set limit with family for spend on each present.
- Children do not love you just for the amount you spend on them.
- They will survive if they don't get everything they want.
- Don't put pressure on each other to spend
4. Alcohol.
- If you have relatives or friends (or spouse) that you know will overdo it, limit volume of alcohol available and go for lower
alcoholic options.
- Only offer beers or wine and in limited quantities.
- Make sure plenty non alcoholic drinks available - especially water.
- If tempted to have one too many - have pint of water between each drink - this will reduce amount you drink, save you money
and also prevent dehydration & hangover.
5. Make it fun - you are the priority- decide what you want as a couple/family
- If there's something you definitely want to do as a family (visiting Santa?), or as a couple, (quiet meal together?),
agree it & put in diary NOW to make sure you BOTH have it booked.
- Start your own family traditions - tradition for us - Every year one new tree
decoration, Bucks Fizz in bed Christmas morning, children opening their stockings on our bed. Later scrambled
eggs & smoked salmon, sometimes church, then back to light a log fire in the lounge and open our pressies with some mulled wine.
Family memories are made of this – not how perfect things were or how much money spent.
PLAN TO ENJOY IT!
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